On Facebook and Instagram, I follow several doulas and know several in real life. I also know many mothers. The thing we all have in common, aside from being women, is that we have our own birth stories. For years, I’ve mentioned bits and pieces about my son and how my experience was surrounding his birth but I don’t think I ever really shared the full complete story. Being that this is May, the month my son was born in, I figured it would be a good time to share. Because I know that people don’t have a lot of time these days, I have decided to break it up into three or four parts. The number of parts depends on how wordy I am.
This month will mark the 16th year of life for my son, who’s online name is affectionately known simply as E.
My husband and I married in August of 1999. We had talked about children off and on. To be honest, I was at a point in my life where I didn’t want children. I was 31 and just didn’t have the motherly vibe, even though I love children. My absolute favorite thing was being an aunt! Man, I used to have so much fun with my nieces and nephews. Well, my husband had decided after years of going back and forth, that he wanted a child. Considering I would have been the only thing stopping him from that, I acquiesced but with a caveat. I said we could try but he had to give me five years. I wanted to enjoy being married before we put children into the mix and I was hoping that the “I want a baby” feeling would come. Sadly, it did not.
Fast forward to early 2005…I woke up one day and felt absolutely crappy. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. So, I went outside and sat in the sun on the front stoop of my house. The sun felt so good and it even made me feel a little better. While I was out there I called my primary care physician to make an appointment. I explained the nausea, fatigue, weakness and general crappiness I was feeling. Then she asked me in the cheeriest of voices, “Do you think you’re carry a little one?” Or something to that affect. I said, “Uh no.” Anyway, I was able to make the appointment.
When I arrived at the doctor’s office they did there regular check-in stuff and I was led to a room. The doctor came in, asked a few questions and then asked if she could take some blood for a pregnancy test. I didn’t think it was necessary but allowed it. She said she would be able to come back to see me but a nurse would take care of me. I said, “Ok”. So, I waited.
Next thing I know, the same doctor comes back in with a huge smile on her face. At that point, I should have figured what was up. She said with the biggest smile that I was with child. To say that I was less than thrilled was an understatement. She was so genuinely excited for me and I really wish I could have reached her level of excitement for me but I just couldn’t. Now, I just had to tell my husband.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ~ anonymous